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It may have seemed that the obvious decision that I would make would be to go to Julia’s home at the appointed day and time and allow the progression of submission to continue. Clearly her hold on me was reaching deeper into me and the little resistance that existed was bound to fully surrender at the next encounter. However, as much as I wanted it there was that part of me that knew that if I gave in to these urges I would have no future other than being a slave to Julia. Yes, I know I’d be crazy not to but what about other aspirations like career, someday being a father, and more importantly having the freedom to make my own choices and determine my own destiny. No, this decision was not going to be so easy as I was putting a lot on the line.
I despise indecision and all the baggage that comes with it. It takes you out of the moment in life because you’re always reflecting, evaluating, and thinking about what lies ahead. I just couldn’t see myself being one of those zombie type slaves that are always uttering, “Yes, mistress”, “whatever you wish goddess”, “if it makes you happy my queen.” I mean, c’mon, this is stuff of fiction or worse the sad tale of some down and out loser who can’t find his own woman on any kind of equal terms. I just didn’t think that was me.
As I often do when I want to reflect on something I somehow find myself unconsciously heading for a safe sanctuary where I can enjoy the city while still maintaining enough privacy to clear my head and sort out whatever it is that is bothering me and this inevitably leads me to one of New York’s many fine coffee shops. Having ordered and received my cappuccino I eased myself onto a stool by the window that offered a nice glimpse of the bustling city yet within the safe haven of the wonderful aromas of fine Arabica brewed coffees and fresh baked scones. My whole being was ensconced in emotional turmoil and I knew I had to pull it together soon. It was Friday and I didn’t want to go down to the last minute on Saturday before I made my decision.
While pondering my dilemma I noticed a NY Times crossword that someone had rather feebly attempted to solve and retrieved it as what better way to solve my issue than to indulge in an exercise of wits with the crossword puzzle creator which was really another ploy in avoiding making my decision. I actually got pretty hot on the crossword and realized that I had spent the better half of an hour on it and had rather successfully avoided dealing with the issue at hand. As I was filling in the final corner of the puzzle….damn, I admit I am pretty good at these….a female voice whispered in my ear, “hey, stranger, don’t I know you from somewhere.”
I knew that voice in an instant and turned to look into the beautiful green eyes of a woman that was emanating the most wonderful of smiles that was framed with eyes that sparkled like diamonds. Underneath her Boston Red Sox baseball cap was one of my favorite college girlfriends that I hadn’t seen in years and suddenly I realized that Lucy was about as cute and sophisticated as any other woman in this coffee shop. I immediately jumped off my stool and we gave each other a huge hug.
I’m always amazed at how quickly my emotional state can flip as all the angst of the past several hours, several days actually, was overwhelmed by this powerfully emerging feeling of joy, hope, and even excitement as Lucy as I just clicked from the moment we embraced as we continued to chat, laugh, joke, reminisce, about past, present, and future. Lucy and I had never gone out before but I always had a bit of a crush on her and on this Friday afternoon I thought she looked and sounded absolutely great. When we realized that we had actually been talking for over and an hour and a half Lucy said, “Oh, wow, I’m late for an appointment. I’m going to have to run. Hey, James, you know Saturday night a few of us are going out for some dinner. You want to join us? You can be my date!” And, then she giggled.
This was not the time for hesitation and I said, “I’d love to join you Saturday, Lucy.” We made arrangements to meet at the restaurant in SoHo, said a quick good-bye, gave each other a quick kiss on the cheek, and Lucy left the coffee shop and ardahan escort quickly hailed a cab. I watched her get in the cab and as it pulled away she turned and gave me a great smile. I waved back and smiled my best smile because that’s how good I felt. Wow, that was great. And, it seemed so normal. It was just a guy and a girl who were on equal terms both anticipating the beginnings of something that could be so cool. I felt so much better as if I finally had rid myself of the “Julia Obsession” and come to my senses. I know Julia is a beautiful and exotic woman but it was never going to have any future other than being a slave to this woman. Don’t misinterpret this decision as it was not an easy one to make but I knew it was the right one. I knew that I would have to let Julia know but she was probably with a patient now so it would be more prudent to call her later as I didn’t want to fumble through voice mail.
I was already feeling better and much more decisive as I had crossed through the “fog zone” as my thoughts were clear and my intentions well defined. I was excited about seeing Lucy and suddenly the world was back in balance, again. Ah, life is good.
I enjoyed my walk home and when I got to my apartment I cracked open a new novel and read for 3 straight hours before I forced myself to go to bed. I awoke Saturday morning feeling refreshed and well rested for the first time in days. Curiously, I hadn’t called Julia, yet, but decided to put if off for a little while as I knew it was not going to be a pleasant task. After all, it would be an end to an incredible fantasy. I knew I should do it right away but I’m like that sometimes, procrastinating instead of resolving the issue at hand.
I logged on to email and right away noticed there was one from Julia that had arrived late last night. I could feel my chest tighten as I debated opening it. It was simply entitled, “Saturday”. Maybe Julia was canceling. I somehow doubted it. Don’t ask me why but I passed over it and opened a few emails from some of my other friends and took a few moments to respond back to them. Eventually, I finally got to the place where only Julia’s email remained unopened. I inhaled deeply and clicked on her message.
I stared at the one sentence message as if I was in a trance, which was probably my precise state. I had a lump in my throat and, well, I could feel the beginnings of an erotic state just beginning to move through my body. I probably read it three times before I even took in a breath of air and it was only then that I realized that that was not a rhetorical question and that Julia, indeed, was looking for an answer. An answer to a question that was not inherently sinister but it provoked in me feelings of shame, desire, and foreboding. For Julia had written and posed the following question, “James, do you think it will be more exciting if I feminize you while dominating you?”
Now I don’t have any desire to be feminized and have never given the whole concept more than a passing thought. I’m a heterosexual male and that is one thing that I know instinctly to be true just as you know you are right or left handed. But, that was the thing about Julia she had the power to evoke in me eroticism regarding areas I didn’t even think I had an interest in. First the feet, then the armpit, then the ass worship suggestion, and now this. I closed the email without replying because realistically what I could I write. “Yes”, “No”, “Not Sure”, “Whatever you like Mistress”? Geez, how quickly the confidence and attitude of the previous hour had so changed.
Needless to say, my emotional state was one of turmoil and new found indecision. After a few hours of anything but peace it was time to leave and I got in my car and headed out. Since both appointments, yes I still had both appointments, were at 6:00 PM I got in my car and I honestly didn’t know where I was going only that I wasn’t going to be two places at once. When the time came to make my turn I pulled over to the side of the road and made the call I’d been dreading to make. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be able to make it tonight. I feel terrible about not being able to adıyaman escort make it but I hope you’ll understand. Yes, I’ll be in touch. Talk to you soon, Lucy.”
I had made my decision and I felt anything but good about it. Yet, I didn’t regret it. If I hadn’t opened that email I would have been stronger and would have followed through on my dinner with Lucy. Lucy, god I can’t believe I just blew her off like that. I got back on the road and motored zombie like the remaining miles to Julia’s home. I pulled into the drive and turned off the engine. When I was sufficiently composed I took a deep breath and walked to the front door. It was not long before Julia answered.
When the door opened I knew I had made the only decision I could possibly make. Because, as much as I want the career, the family, etc., nothing can describe the anticipation I felt as I took in what had to be the most beautiful woman in the world. No, she wasn’t decked out in any dominatrix outfit as she simply had on a peach colored sweater that clung to her neck closely that seemed to match her almost identical complexion, a pair of well worn and close fitted jeans, and a pair of strappy sandals. No make up, she didn’t need any.
Julia invited me in to her living room and I accepted a glass of wine. Julia didn’t waste any time with small talk as her first question was, “James, did you read my email?” I confessed that I did.
“Well?”
“Julia, I don’t know the answer to that question.”
“James, I think you do.”
I looked down as was starting to feel a bit squirmy. Nothing about this felt sexual as I tried to think of a response.
“Having trouble facing your emotions, James?”
“I think so, Julia.”
“Would you like some help in finding your answer?”
“Um, yeah, that would be fine. I mean, I’d be okay with it.”
Julia just stared at me with the faintest of smiles on her face. “James, as you know from your therapy sessions that there are a variety of tools that help individuals understand their desires. Especially, those that repress their hidden desires. Those are usually the dark ones, the ones that they just can’t seem to face. Are you following me, Jamie?”
I nodded.
“Tonight, I think we’ll employ a very basic technique that allow for “pictures” to tell the story. Think of it as a Rorschach Ink Blot type test but only in the sense that the pictures help your mind understand what it sometimes resists. Sound interesting?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, one thing, James, you can’t have any clothes on while you do the exercise.”
“Why is that?”
“Because, James, we’re going to watch how you cock behaves when it looks at the photos. Because, Jamey, your penis doesn’t know how to lie, does it?” I suddenly had that feeling of being in therapy and very vulnerable and open to the suggestions of the therapist. Yet, this was of course very different. I wasn’t in therapy and we weren’t talking about vanilla sex or why I can’t get along with my boss. We were about to explore areas of my subconscious that I sensed were going to be altogether very different. I wasn’t afraid, but I was nervous. “Let’s begin, shall we?”
Julia got up and walked to her bookshelf, the very same one that I had been looking at just a few short weeks, ago. She took a key out of her pocket and opened up one of the solid doors of the bookcase and pulled out a rather thick unlabeled leather binder that appeared to have some age on it.
“Now it’s time to take your clothes off, James. Put them over there on the chair. That’s it, good boy.” She gave me a warm smile. I complied and had a rather odd and awkward feeling of being naked while Julia was fully dressed. She was still sitting across from me when she slid the footstool over to me and said, “Get on your knees and put your penis on the footstool, James.”
Again, I complied. “James, do you like being naked in front of me.” As I thought about it I knew that I felt awkward yet at the same time the longer I remained exposed in front of Julia the more comfortable I started to become.
“I think I do like it.”
“It’s exciting to be in the presence of karabük escort a strong and powerful woman, isn’t it? You like the way it makes you feel smaller and vulnerable, don’t you? Isn’t exciting to give in to a woman who is as beautiful as I am?”
I nodded.
Julia smiled. No, she gave out a small laugh and ran her tongue over her lips.
“Now, James, let’s look at the pictures, shall we?”
The first one she showed me was of a drawing of a woman with exaggerated features that was wearing black stiletto shoes. It didn’t take long as my penis started to move. We both knew I had a foot fetish. No surprise, here.
The next one was of a woman wearing a sort of a business type professional suit. She was attractive in a Julia type way. We both observed my penis after this photo and no real change. The next photo was of a man who was naked. No response on my part. The next photo was of a pair of woman’s panties. Again, no dramatic change as I was about as slightly erected as I was after the first photo.
“Having fun, James.”
We both had a small laugh.
Julia flipped a few pages then showed me a the same photo of the man who was naked and the woman in the business suit but this time the man was on his knees and the woman was standing above him. As I looked at this photo I realized the similarity of the moment as I was naked and Julia fully clothed now sitting but still above me. I felt myself stir. Julia didn’t flip the page right away.
“Do you like this photo, James?”
I replied that I did.
The next picture was exactly the same except for one difference. The man was now wearing the woman’s panties. And, the woman had a more lecherous type expression to her face.
I didn’t want to react but I did. My penis started to expand just a bit and I could see that Julia took notice.
“Is it getting more interesting, Jamie? Do the panties excite you?” Do you wish it were you in the picture?
I was as confused as I was excited. I was not fully erected but I could feel the heat in the room surround me like a blanket. My heart was noticeably thumping and my throat was dry.
“I’m not sure what I think about it Julia.”
“I know what I think. I think Jamie wants to wear panties. Woman’s panties. Because Jamie finds the thought of wearing those panties utterly exciting. The concept is irresistible. Am I right?”
I didn’t reply as I could only look down. Down on my slowly growing erection. The one I was trying to repress.
The next thing Julia did caught me by surprise. She stood up, removed her sandals, pulled off her jeans and removed her panties.
“Well, I wasn’t exactly accurate with my last statement, James. Because what Jamie finds really, really exciting is wearing Julia’s panties. Julia’s worn and fragrant panties. But, only after he familiarizes himself with their scent. How does that sound, Jamie? Would you like to sniff my panties before you put them on? Would it add to the excitement? It’s not what you would call perverted, now, is it?”
Too many questions and I didn’t know how to answer them. Julia’s panties had suddenly become an icon of eroticism.
“If you ask me nicely, Jamie, I’ll let you smell them.”
This was beginning to feel humiliating. But, at the same time I couldn’t deny the level of excitement was continuing to rise. “Please, Julia, can I have your panties.”
“You can.” She then stood over me and draped them over my face with the gusset ensconced on my nose. As I took my next breath, one that I anticipated with a level of enthusiasm that I simply can’t describe, I realized that I was breathing pure Julia. I liked it. It was turning me on in a way that I had never experienced.
“That’s it James, enjoy the privilege of this moment in time. Allow yourself to be in touch with everything you are feeling right now. It’s terribly erotic, isn’t it?”
I loved it all. Julia half naked standing above me, her panties, my nudity, but most of all her talking to me. She was reaching deep into my very essence and finding a part of me that I had no idea existed.
“James, would you like to continue our little session? Are you enjoying it?
“Oh yes, Julia, I do want to continue.”
“Here is what is going to happen next. You are going to put my panties on and I’m going to change into a different outfit. When I return we are going to explore a few more of your fetishes. I’ll just let you think about that for a few minutes. Try not to miss me too much while I’m changing my clothes, Jamie. OK?”